Is that the sun?

*squint*

Wow, it's been a while since I posted on here.
I had written a post around January, but quickly took it down as I felt that I was

A) too raw from the experience to really deal with people trying to comfort me.
B) it was too sad, and that's the last thing we need in this world.

So the long and the short of it is that my husband and I had a loss at 5 weeks. It was sad, I felt broken and alone in despair.

But I wasn't, I had friends (some who really came out of the wood work and pulled me through)and family. There are a million forums on the net about women who go through the same thing, and at the end of the day none of us are alone.

After about a month, I was sick of being tired and angry at everyone. I chose to be happy, and to move on with my life. I chose to plaster a smile on, and find a way to compliment people to brighten their day. I chose to clean, or chat with people and ask how THEY were doing instead of being consumed with what was going on with me. And I felt better.

I threw myself into new situations with people I hardly knew, which makes me wholly uncomfortable because of awful high school experiences, and I came out unscathed.

Don't get me wrong, there were still times that I cried, but I didn't feel like I was in the bottom of a well anymore.

The wound was healing.

People who know ask me, "Are you guys trying again?" well we weren't really actively TRYING to begin with.

And I think that was part of the problem; it was kind of a shock and I went into OCD panic mode (of which I will address in another blog)and started freaking out about not having a house or enough money in the bank.

I think that stress compounded with the fact that I am not THE most healthy I can be, (I have hypothyroidism, and didn't know whether to continue my medication or not...so I stopped it to be safe) lead to my loss.

Is this a medical fact? NO! It's just what I think, using my skills of logic and needing to have an answer (OCD).

So ARE we trying? No, not actively. We still have money to save and bills to pay and while we will be more prepared if it were to happen again, this experience did bring us closer and did allow us to talk about the future.

Good comes from bad, (and sometimes vice versus)