Dear Diner Crew,

Waiter at the next table-
Umm, I don't know how to tell you this but you sound like Billy Bob Thortons dad. A weird combination of greek and french? You know the dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Now put marbles in his mouth and that's what you sound like.
I can barely understand you, and doubt I could keep a straight face if you were my waiter.
AND, you keep talking increasingly louder. That really isn't going to make anyone understand you any better.
How do you expect to make a decent living being in customer service when your customers can't understand what the hell you are saying!
Yea, you made me and my husband laugh so hard that soda came out of his nose!

P.S: owner of diner, I don't want to see signs meant for your employees. They are mean!
"All bags will be checked up front before you leave" why are you afraid someones going to steal a french fry or something?
"leave a number where you can be reached or you will be fired" HUH? that is assuming that these people can AFFORD a phone!
"starting tomorrow all employees will wear a white taylored shirt. if you wear a colored shirt you will be sent home" uh, as long as it's clean I as a customer don't give a shit. Also white shows more stains and running around in a kitchen you are likely to get a shit load of stains causing your employees to replace said "taylored" shirts more frequently. Also if you display signs for people to, I don't know READ, then at least make sure all your words are spelled correctly.